Internet Crackpots
Sept. 3, 2001
Last night, I was reading a slashdot interview with this guy, Alex Chiu. He's this crackpot who invented an "Immortality Device" and has the secret to world peace. I wanted to read more of his site, but first, I had to stop by the home of another crackpot, this one a lot closer to home. It seems the proprietor of timecube.com lives in St. Pete, which is my most recent permanent address and where my parents live.
This TimeCube guy (his name is Gene Ray) has skill in both English and mathematics. "-1 x -1 = +1 is evil and stupid" and "Evil 1 day Biblekills children." He's fantastic. I don't think I laughed so hard at anything on the Internet - not foxtrot, not the onion, nothing. Eventually, I had to leave the page because I was having trouble breathing.
The other guy, Alex Chiu, seems at first glance to be your typical snake-oil selling charlatan - but he's not! He gives his "Immortality Device" away and provides you with instructions on how to make your own. Also, he has the solution to world peace ("unless you can think of a better one") and knows a lot about biology! Did you know that the reason you have a symmetric body is because the electromagnetic charges need to be balanced? Oh yes, your legs are positively charged, and your body is negative. Thus, they repel each other. Your legs, that is. As funny as TimeCube.com was, alexchiu.com was even funnier. It takes a little longer to find the most ridiculous things, but its worth it, it is so worth it. I literally fell out of my chair reading his explanation as to why we want to eat animals which are made out of meat. (something to do with our negatively charged stomachs and the positively charged meat) I'm going to have to go back to that page again, the next time my side muscles need a work out.
All this time reading these pages has brought me to an important decision: I want to be an Internet crackpot! The only problem is I'm not sure whether I can come up with stuff as ridiculous as what is already out there. It seems my sanity is actually a disadvantage in this marketplace. Maybe if I work really hard at becoming insane...